The stars didn't save me from depression (and why I now offer readings)
A story of healing, shadows, and learning to stand in my own light
Two days ago, I officially launched my tarot and astrology reading service. After almost two years of informal readings, I felt it was time to step into the light of this aspect of my purpose. And before light, some shadows had to birth it.
Astrology came to me in 2021 when I was recovering from the murkiest period of time living with depression. In fact, no one knew I was depressed in the heaviest months, and I have only started to speak more openly about it in the recent year. Speaking is important because I now know the burden of silence in my family, where expressing negative emotions was never possible across generations. I was never taught how to feel and how to express what I feel. As an exemplary child who was deemed fine in all external aspects, I grew up always feeling somewhat inauthentic. Later I knew it was because I wasn’t living part of my chart where Mercury is on my Ascendant in Scorpio, demanding me to speak with depth and truth.
Before astrology fully emerged in my life, I was also greatly healed by my romantic relationship then, which was very grounding and nourishing. That was my second serious relationship, and the first healthy relationship after a traumatizing one in high school which ended in 2018 and for which I still shed some tears in 2023. Later I realized that the high school relationship was the key to my depression, which was a result of me being unable to speak authentically how I feel. In fact, I didn’t know how to make friends until 2021, even though deep down I was craving for love and connection—friendship only worked until I started developing a genuine loving connection with myself.
In the peaceful American liberal arts college I went to, I was trying to find meaning in theory and philosophy, which logically all made sense but still didn’t make me feel better about life. I was nihilist for a very long time. There was happy nihilist time when I couldn’t care less about anything, and there was the much more difficult time. I openly enjoyed logic and criticism, yet I stayed away from my own sensibilities and intuitions as a kid growing up reading tremendous amount of world literature. Last year I realized that is why I have stayed academic for so long, to maintain some proximity with beauty yet some distance to not touch it.
My inner critic never allowed me to make art, write poetry, do astrology, or read tarots (all of which I do now). With that strong Mercury I was turning the blade of my thoughts, or my scorpio’s tail, toward myself. And with my Venus in Virgo, a sign ruled by Mercury, I was judging and rationalizing my own feelings with very strict standards. Of course most of them were not worthy of saying, nor of existing. When I first went to the health center in my college for my increasing depression symptoms, I told the doctor that everything was fine with me, yet my body wasn’t fine. I simply asked for medication so my body could function, and didn’t even consider therapy as an option at all. I was closed so tight nothing could open me. And it took years to soften.
Just in the last month I suddenly realized that I am neurodivergent. It gave me such a liberatory perspective on my depression and how I have treated myself (badly). Now I understand that, by not speaking how I felt because it wouldn’t align with what I think should be felt, I was denying my own nervous system. The term, neurodivergence, then becomes defense against my excessive rationality. I judged myself for feeling tired after hanging out with friends, and forced myself to participate in events I would feel overwhelmed at. I condemned myself for not going to protests because I couldn’t handle situations with too many people. By defaulting myself as a neurotypical person (if there is any, really), I was again disallowing my existence.
I found meaning of my existence, my Sun, in Scorpio in my 12th house. A place of collective unconsciousness, spirituality, fears, dreams, and secrets. Somewhere I always circled around in philosophy and psychology but never entered wholeheartedly. I tried to make sense of spirituality through a logic mind, yet I realized that the logic mind can never know beyond the limit of itself. This is why I have been doing readings informally, and also why I need to officially launch it. It is less about how it could support me economically, but more about me being able to acknowledge and speak my truth without judgement, shame, or fear. Astrology has shown me my light and loving myself demands me standing in my light.
My truth doesn’t have to be your truth, yet at the end of the day I know all truth will converge. I know we all have that light within us and sometimes it could be blinding to look at. I also know how it feels to live with the towering shadows in us, and that it is always possible to turn pain into gold. The power of Scorpio is exactly that, going beneath the surface and reaching so deep to find old wounds—so that healing can begin. Of course I would also never lose my logic and rationality, which is something I believe that makes my readings quite special. My readings won’t help you escape reality, but they can teach you to love your truth more, which is the key to everything else in the world.
Reading with Freya
My readings aren’t about fortune-telling. They are tools for self-empowerment. My readings help you decode energies in your life so you can act with agency; spot behavioral patterns so you can grow beyond them; heal old wounds and amplify your light—because all our paths should be love, abundance, and radical self-trust.
My approach is informed by my kaleidoscope of lived experiences as a queer, neurodivergent migrant across three continents; a musician, yogi, art practitioner and critical theory nerd with a background in computer science and literature; a trauma-informed mental health ex-patient and advocate who believes in the vitality of holistic wellbeing to support our individual life and collective sociopolitical life.
I currently offer:
Liminal Inquiry
Tarot as an existential inquiry into your shadows and lights, and what you truly desire. Ideal for fuzzy times when decisions need to be made. £66 (accessible from £44).
45min tarot reading with takeaway of:
access to voice note
access to spreads
connecting to your own intuition and sense of direction for your highest good
Archeology of Self
Birth chart as a palimpsest layered with references that guide you to fullest being. Ideal when you want to excavate, heal, and love yourself more. £177.
60min birth chart reading with takeaway of:
your special 1700-word+ “Field Notes” PDF that you can return to in years, decoding the stars’ logic, your energetic patterns, and highest path ahead
access to voice note
2 post-reading questions
discovering who you truly are and the challenges & gifts your life holds
Atlas of Self
A less intense mapmaking of the self to survey your peaks, lines, and uncharted edges. Ideal when temporally lost and needing orientations. £111.
60min birth chart reading with takeaway of:
access to voice notes
1 post-reading question
a survey of your habits, patterns, and lights for deepened self-awareness
Existential Transition
Planetary movements as future currents for you to navigate with intention. Ideal for getting ready at the edge of a new start. £88.
Prerequisite: 1 session of Atlas/Archeology of Self
45min transit reading with takeaway of:
your special “Transit Map” PDF
access to voice notes
1 post-reading question
knowing the energy coming in your way and how to meet them the best way
Foundations & Futures
A combo of three readings to ground you deeper and push you higher. Ideal for birthday when rising with your new solar cycle. Package of £288.
Readings include:
Archeology of Self
Existential Transition (with special solar return check-in)
Liminal Inquiry
Valid for 6 months after first reading, helping you grow into the insights with sustained support. £43 off the list price (£331) for those committed.
How to book?
Drop me an email (shiyufry@gmail.com) with your availability and we will work out a time.
Why does Liminal Inquiry have two prices?
This sliding scale is for accessibility. Pay £66 if you are comfortable, or £44 if money is tight, anything in between is welcome. No question asked.
How to pay?
I accept payment through bank transfer and Paypal. Payments are preferably in GBP but payments through other currencies can be discussed.
Any questions please let me know. Look forward to growing and healing together.